"Embracing the Betwixt and In-Between"
...learning to be comfortable when life has other plans for you...
Do you know that cliff-hanger feeling, where you’re finished with one book of a story, and the sequel has not quite yet been published…?
When we are talking about books, or a TV series, it’s just plain annoying.
When we are talking about the major storyline of our own lives…it typically feels like a whole lot of different shades of uncomfortable, scary and outright threatening on top of plain annoying…
If you can relate to this, are perhaps going through such a moment right now, this blog post is for you.
I felt inspired to write about this topic at this time because we are currently, globally, collectively as well as most definitely individually - myself included - not just closing out one chapter in a book, but we are creating a whole new Story for ourselves - from scratch.
And many of us are having that frustrating “staring at a blank page” moment, when we have no idea how this new story wants to begin taking shape. We may have the over-all idea of our new plot and characters…but the words just don’t quite want to flow. Yet.
Or perhaps we don’t even know what we want to write about next, still mourning the ending of our previous story, like a pair of worn out shoes that used to be so comfortable…
Finding ourselves in a position where we know we are done with a certain way of being and living in the world, ready to call in something radically new, can be exciting and full of hope and enthusiasm. And mosts often, it also brings up layers of fear, discomfort and old stories of disempowerment or even unworthiness that can easily paralyze & stifle any feelings of elation and forward drive.
In this post, I will address
how to navigate the discomfort of uncertainty,
how to work with what is rising up into the light of consciousness,
how to use it to get in touch with our own inner guidance and natural flow,
and why this state of the In-Between is such a powerful and crucial stage to embrace before we break through into a whole new way of being.
WHAT IS THE IN-BETWEEN? AND - WHY IS IT SO UNCOMFORTABLE, YET CRUCIAL, FOR OUR EVOLUTION?
Let’s face it - we cannot evade those betwixt and between states, much as we often try. They are everywhere we look - very much a part of nature in a universe ruled by the illusion of time and space. Between inhale and exhale there is a pause. After the fecundity of Summer comes the slow-down of Autumn and the inward, fallow time of Winter before we can once more shift into the budding bloom of Spring. These cycles apply to every aspect of our life on earth.
Life is cyclical, a constant flux and flow seeking a state of dynamic equilibrium. The emphasis here is on
dynamic!
Stasis equals stagnancy equals death - it does not support life, or growth, or expansion and evolution.
Yet, as souls having an earthly adventure, this is our one and only aim and purpose - to keep expanding and growing and experiencing life in all its different facets and perspectives, to keep exploring the outer edges of our True Potential.
On this quest of soul-expansion, our inner world & psyche, too, have to go through cycles of receptive dormancy & incubation (conceiving inspired ideas & visions), sprouting & unfolding (first action steps), ripening & maturation (Visions taking form), and the profusion of harvest time (reaping of rewards).
After the fullness, we need to become empty once more to make room for something new to grow - new ideas, new opportunities, new visions, new experiences, new ways of being… We do not ever lose anything of (inner) value that we gained, learned and fully integrated - it merely becomes the foundation upon which to build in our next cycle of evolution.
So - if this is a natural and necessary process - why does this phase of inert dormancy tend to elicit such extreme discomfort and un-ease within us?
The different phases can be found anywhere we look, however, they can vary greatly in duration, from minutes, hours and days to weeks, months and even years…
In our Western Culture, we have long been over-emphasizing the masculine principles of productivity, action, planning and striving for external success. We have been taught that our value is very much tied in with these attributes; we feel comfortable and empowered when we are in motion, planning ahead and “making things happen”.
Too often, this comes at the cost of negating our feminine aspects of rest & stillness, nurturing, feeling, intuition, creative flow, gestation & incubation. These have been labeled as lazy, un-productive, too emotional, impractical, weak & lesser than, and they typically do not find the same acceptance in our masculine-dominant societal mindset.
This outer lack of acceptability is very much mirrored in our own inner beliefs about ourselves; when we feel stuck in a period of inactivity, when nothing seems to be happening, when life throws those wrenches in our way and forces a “time out”, this involuntary slow down and passivity brings us face to face with our “inner demons” - all our unhealed wounds and negative self-talk.
If we have an inner (often unconscious) story that we are unworthy & unlovable the way we are, we tend to overcompensate and try to prove to the world (and ourselves) that we are good enough…by showing up in ways we think the world finds acceptable & desirable, trying to be successful, appear busy, practical etc.
This business has another benefit - as long as we are pre-occupied & distracted with the outer world, it is easy to ignore, avoid and push aside our inner discomforts & pain.
After all - who likes feeling unworthy of love, disempowered and like a failure? None of us do! And yet, deep down in our subconscious psyche, these are typically the beliefs that we hold about ourselves, stemming from childhood or handed down ancestral & cultural trauma.
This Shadow-Self - all of our “unlovable, unacceptable” aspects that we try so hard to dissociate from and push to the side, has a Voice; most of us are very good at drowning out this voice with distractions and any array of numbing agents (work, food, sex, TV, drugs…).
But when the outer activity ceases and we become still for a moment, the Voice
will
be heard…and very much
felt
- as anxiety, worry, fear, restlessness, discouragement, depression, lethargy, fatigue…the list goes on.
So, when the in-between states betwixt activity and productivity drag on for “too long”, we tend to become rather uncomfortable - until we face our Shadow-Self and heal our deepest wounds.
HOW DO WE MEET OUR SHADOW HERE & WORK WITH IT, INSTEAD OF AGAINST IT?
Whereas ancient cultures had their Rites of Passage and Vision Quests to signify transitions into varying phases of life, our modern one is mostly bereft of such mile-markers. We have lost touch with the sense of life as an adventure to be progressed through while gaining different levels of experience, skills and wisdom, each chapter of life holding its own sacred offering, meaning and beauty.
WHAT IF WE COULD REFRAME EACH DISCOMFORT, EACH NUDGE OR PUSH OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE OF THE KNOWN AS A SACRED “FOOL’S JOURNEY”, A RITE OF PASSAGE INTO A NEW, EXPANDED, WISER, MORE HEALED AND COMPETENT VERSION OF SELF?
Wouldn’t this make a period of “pause” feel more exciting? More rewarding and full of potential? This feminine approach of deep self-reflection, listening to our inner messages and intuitive insights and revelations, feeling comfortable and at ease in the darkness of the womb space, the incubation phase before a new birth, is our growing edge. It’s where we meet our Inner Sage & Wisdom-Keeper.
JUST LIKE THE PAUSE BETWEEN INHALE TO EXHALE AND EXHALE TO INHALE CAN BECOME A PRECIOUS PORTAL TO EVER DEEPENING STATES OF PRESENCE AND STILLNESS, THESE MOMENTS OF SEEMING LACK OF FORWARD MOVEMENT AND “PRODUCTIVITY” IN OUR LIVES CAN PROVIDE A PIVOT POINT OF INNER REFLECTION AND BREAKTHROUGH.
So, what do we do in these moments, when the rug has been pulled out from under us and all that is left is to find a new way of being in the world - because the old has crumbled and can no longer support our growth? Or life refuses to move forward, no matter how hard we push and strive?
I start right here - with Acceptance.
Acceptance of what is, instead of fighting against it.
Acceptance that - if something is leaving my life or is becoming unsustainable, it is no longer a match for where I currently am or desire to go.
Acceptance that, even if my limited vision does not quite yet see or understand why something or someone needs to go or is not showing up in my life, my Soul knows exactly what I need right now in order to progress towards my Inner Goals.
Also, Acceptance of how I am feeling right now!
Don’t judge yourself for feeling anxious, or depressed, or worried and scared - off course you do! This is part of our human experience - navigating emotions. And beliefs. And this is a perfect opportunity to practice both…once again.
This is a precious chance to meet our Shadow Self - our unconscious beliefs and programs, our fears and self-doubts. Our “demons”. But also - our Dreams and Visions, our higher Potential and Passion!
So - invite them over for tea and have a chat, instead of trying to exile them to the coldest, least hospitable corners of your mind (…because, by now you know this doesn’t work, anyway…they’ll always find a way to bug you - dreams or demons, they
will
insist on flirting with you any which way they can…and they WILL succeed!!).
This is the Space where we connect in with our Inner Guidance! This is where the Magic happens, the Breakthroughs and the Quantum Leaps!
By meeting our Dreams and demons and recognizing them as our most intimate friends and allies.
By inviting their perspectives and wisdom and insights regarding our current situation and how to proceed forward.
By recognizing what hasn’t worked so well for us thus far, and why, and what must change accordingly…
HOW CAN WE SETTLE INTO THE IN-BETWEEN -- WITHOUT FEELING STAGNANT & STUCK?
Release the old beliefs to make room for something precious and new.
Breathe - calm down your nervous system and find your alignment with your Inner Being, or Higher Power.
Keep breathing and invite new perspectives and insights to find you.
Allow space for Spirit to flow in your life - the more you empty your mind of expectations and what
you
think is best, the more space you’ll create for Spirit to show up in surprising and miraculous ways.
Keep breathing!
Breathe in Trust.
Surrender control on the exhale.
Keep
breathing.
KNOW YOURSELF AS THE SEED THAT HAS BEEN PLANTED.
YOU HOLD ALL THE POTENTIAL OF EVERYTHING YOU ARE DESIGNED TO GROW INTO.
Embrace the darkness of the Womb-Space, holding your Dreams safe, nurturing you while you wait for the timing and circumstances and conditions to be right to sprout, to push your head through the surface and toward the bright new light that is caressing you into this next phase of your growth….know that this light is waiting for you!
Keep
breathing!
Whenever you feel unsettled, anxious and restless, or drained and tired and stagnant, return to breathing.
Breathe into any tension or discomfort in your body.
Exhale and relax.
Breathe into the discomfort and ask your body to show you the story it is still holding onto.
Inhale comfort and acceptance.
Exhale and soften.
Witness the shifts and changes in your body, in your mind and emotions.
Keep breathing with them.
Talk to your body.
Let it talk back to you.
Let it be your messenger leading you to deeper insights and guidance.
Make friends with this in-between state of gestation and trust that you will know when it’s time for your next move, and what the next step needs to be.
TAKE IT DEEPER BY ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
Asking the right kind of questions is the first step towards receiving your next answers.
Don’t rush this stage - lean into it and enjoy the revelations coming to the surface -
when
they are ready to come, in perfect divine timing. Trust this process - it’s where the treasures hide!
These are some sample questions you may ask yourself along your quest, in no particular order, some asking the same question approached from slightly different angles. Take the ones that resonate the most for you, and have fun coming up with your own questions to help you get to know your true authentic Voice.
What is rising up within me? (Witness your emotions, thoughts, physical body sensations/discomfort…)
Which repetitive patterns (circumstances, behavior, thoughts, triggers etc) can I see? (Write down your insights & sit with them - look back over your life & discern all the different ways in which these same patterns have been showing up for you over time…)
What is at the core of my discomfort? (Which fears, beliefs, wounds…)
What do my resistant/fearful parts need in order to feel safe going forward? (i.e. trust in yourself, feeling heard and seen and valued, …)
How can I show up for myself in order to meet those needs? (i.e. taking time each day to listen to your body, learning to “speak the intuitive language” your body uses to communicate with you, acting on your intuitive guidance…)
What is my Vision going forward? What am I passionate about? What lights me up?
Which habits, attitudes, behaviors etc would I need to adopt to move towards my Vision?
What is holding me back from doing so?
Are there still aspects of me that don’t trust me to achieve my Dreams? What are they, what do they need, where do they stem from?
Am I fully committed to this New Version of my Self, my Life? If not…why not? How is my lack of commitment showing up right now? How would my fully committed Self feel & show up to life?
What is the bigger picture lesson I can learn right now?
Am I afraid of success? Why? What does success really look like for me?
Use this tension between the old version of self/life that is leaving and the New Version ready to come in as an opportunity to clear your inner closet of limiting beliefs and wounds that do not support your Higher Vision going forward.
This “Edge”, this In-Between state of being, uncomfortable and challenging as it might be, is a place to face our fears, a place of Re-Birth, a place to let go of previous self-identifications and masks.
It invites us to become fully real and present with ourselves.
It offers a reprieve - a chance to become sensitive to what needs to be cleared out & healed and what we want to take forward into our New Life, what we want to call in along the way.
This clarity and self-awareness is absolutely crucial moving forward into manifesting our Higher Vision - without it, we inevitably drag our old baggage along behind us, polluting and diluting the purity of the New Potential with the same-old same-old.
GET TO KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF, YOUR NEEDS, YOUR DESIRES AND FEARS. INTEGRATE YOUR SHADOWS, LET THEM BE YOUR TEACHERS. FOCUS AND STREAMLINE YOUR ENERGY TOWARDS YOUR NEW LIFE, WHILE BEING PATIENTLY, LOVINGLY PRESENT WITH YOUR CURRENT SELF. NURTURE, STRENGTHEN AND FORTIFY YOUR FOUNDATIONS BEFORE YOU START BUILDING ON TOP OF THEM…
…and through it all, remember to breathe!
Breathe into your Core and become Stillness.
Time
Is on
Your
Side…trust it!
And of course,
if you feel you’d like some help & assistance with getting in touch with your stories & emotions, ready for a deeper exploration, transformation & healing, I am here for exactly that - check out my Spiritual Guidance & Transformational Coaching Sessions & Courses, my in-depth Soul Purpose Blueprint Readings,
or get in touch with me at brighde@awakenedhearth.com if you have any questions...I am looking forward to connecting with you!
Brighde is a Writer with a love for dark chocolate and the mystical side of life. She firmly believes every aspect of this curious Journey on Earth can be improved with a steaming mug of good tea, an open heart and mind and a grounded connection to the higher vibrational realms of Spirit inherent in everything. With a background of almost 30 years of working in the Healing Arts and Bodywork, her current focus is on facilitating deep inner transformation, growth and healing through one-on-one Intuitive Guidance and Coaching Sessions as well as on-line & in-person Courses and Workshops. Your can find out more about her work at www.AwakenedHearth.com.
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