…continuing our exploration of the 7 Essene Mirrors…

Welcome back to this exploration of the 7 Essene Mirrors of Relationship.

I hope you found much food for thought and insights in “The 7 Mysteries of Relationship” Part I & the first two mirrors, the Mirror of the Moment & the Mirror of Judgment, which are often the most accessible and easiest to interpret. Let’s keep diving deeper under the surface now as we take a look at Essene Mirrors three through seven.

3. Mirror of Our Lost Love

(Magnetic Attraction)

To any hardcore romantics out there - you may want to take a deep breath and sit down before reading on; and please, do keep reading on, all the way to the end - it’ll be worth the potential pain of disillusionment along the way!

The Mirror of our Lost Love may feel like falling in love, like finding our long lost soulmate or twin flame, our ‘other half’;

it can be that instant sense of recognition, that lightning bolt that hits us out of nowhere when making eye-contact with a complete stranger across the room;

or it could be anyone or anything that draws us in, that holds a certain magnetic allure and attraction, that lights us up inside and makes us come alive…

What is really going on here?

And - how is this related to my…uhm, ’lost love’, Sherlock??

Basically, this mirror shows us positive aspects of ourselves that we believe we have ‘lost’, be it because we ‘gave them away’ or they were ‘taken from us’.

If this sounds rather outlandish, you may be surprised to find how common this ‘losing parts of self’ is in our modern society. You may have heard of the psychological concepts of ‘fragmentation’ and ‘dissociation’. I would say that, as a human species, all of us are fragmented to a certain degree, and most of us have unconsciously used dissociation to shut away a pain that we had no tools to cope with.

It’s a survival mechanism that often can be traced back to childhood, when we are quite literally dependent on the adults in our lives. Fitting in, being accepted, getting attention are essential for getting our most basic needs met - food, shelter and love.

We may learn early on that certain of our traits are not acceptable, or lovable, whereas others help us blend in or receive more affection and attention.

For example, a boisterous child full of un-inhibited energy may be consistently told to be quiet, to calm down, to stop bouncing around, quit drawing on the walls…; in essence, their most authentic expression of self needs to be repressed in order to receive approval or love. Over time, we may completely forget this core aspect of ourselves - we have ‘lost it’, given it away in order to fit in…

Next time you find yourself drawn to someone or something, ask yourself what you admire or find attractive about them, or it.

Especially when that magnetic attraction hits and makes you feel like you’re inexplicably falling for someone head over heels, or if you find yourself taken over by obsessions…or, conversely - if you feel repulsed by someone and keep pulling away.

Look closely and try to find the traits, the essence they embody that you find so alluring…or repelling. Or alluring AND repelling.

Found it? Look again. You have just stumbled upon one of your ‘lost loves’ - a part of your own, most authentic self that you have been repressing or even forgotten about; a trait you probably can’t find or see in yourself but that, deep down, has been calling to you ever since you’ve disowned it…because it is so much a part of your true Self you are here to embody. And so, you seek it in another…

Back to my fellow romantics - if you have started feeling slighted or discouraged in trusting your meter for love by now, please don’t; just because we feel attracted to someone based on an initial imbalance within ourselves does not automatically preclude a happy and healthy romantic involvement!

We can - and I strongly recommend that we do - take the lovely, glittering reflection offered to us and find ourselves in it, so we may reclaim this missing part of us and embody it as boldly, fully and as joyously as we can.

If the mutual attraction and enjoyment of each other remains, how beautiful is that! Now we can come together as two whole units complementing each other, rather than needing the other to complete and fill an emptiness within us.

If, on the other hand, it fades into oblivion and we are left with that icky feeling of ‘…what was I thinking…’ - well, then we have now forged a deeper connection with our Self and, next time around, will most likely attract a much better love match reflecting back to us our more healed and whole version of self.

So you see - this mirror (like all the others) really is here to help us attain the most healthy, fulfilling, passionate and intimately rewarding relationships in all regards - starting, by necessity, with the relationship we have with Self.

4. Mirror of Our Most Forgotten Love

(Compulsion, Obsession & Self-Sabotage)

The 4th Essene Mirror of Relationship reflects back to us our ‘most forgotten love’ - that which we hold most dear and treasure most in life… and yet find ways to keep avoiding like the plague.

But - why is it lost, and why do we need a mirror to find it?

This mirror is a tricky one and may take some raw and honest exploration. (I did warn you that these mirrors are getting increasingly more subtle, didn’t I.)

Can you recognize where you may be suffering from an internal ‘Energy Split’ - areas in your life where you find yourself saying one thing, yet doing another? No? I challenge you to look a little deeper, a little closer to the core…

Can you remember times when, perhaps, you really wanted to get more fit & healthy, get out and exercise, stop eating all that chocolate…but somehow found it easier to remain slouched on your couch, potato chips in one hand, remote control in the other?

Or, maybe you’ve been wanting to write that book…but never seem to make it to the keyboard?

Fill in your particular desire that, somehow, always seems to idle on the back burner, pushed to the side and ignored. This mirror is really a lot more common than we may initially have thought, isn’t it…

Let’s look at some more extreme cases, and how this mirror may help us become aware of one or more deeply treasured desires that we keep denying ourselves, over and over, through layers of perpetual and mostly unconscious self-sabotage, like choosing to distract ourselves, taking our focus away from what our heart desires most.

Take the loner, for example, who wants nothing more in life than deeply intimate soul-connections…and yet always finds ways to isolate, avoid people or push them away…

Or the deeply caring family man, who loves his family, his life and home with wife and children, above anything else in this world…and yet, through his unchecked drinking or drug abuse, loses everything he holds dear…

Compulsions and obsessions, addictions and self-sabotage can come in many different shapes and guises. For me, it used to be reading, getting lost in some adventure story or spiritual exploit or other, taking me far away from my own life…and any adventures and genuine spiritual experiences I could have allowed with a little more courage, commitment and belief in myself;

anything that distracts and numbs us can become an addiction - binge watching or eating, shopping therapy, social media, substances, gaming…habits like people pleasing…anything that disconnects us from our authentic self and keeps us comfortably numb and checked out will serve.

Our particular compulsions can represent a shadow aspect of what we truly desire - we may seek connection to spirit or a boost of self-confidence in alcoholic ‘spirits’; a deep sense of union and soul-merge through promiscuous sexual relations etc, yet through these habits and behaviors we keep sabotaging ever reaching the true state of being we so desperately seek.

Our compulsions and obsessions - any type of avoidance mechanism - typically feel good in the moment - they keep us squarely within the confined limits of our comfort zones. Yet they are ultimately keeping us stuck and shut down, disconnected from life and our true potential.

Now, why would we sabotage ourselves to this degree - sometimes even quite consciously?

Flash back to our nebulous Unconscious and all the old stories we keep hidden therein; perhaps I have a deeply ingrained belief that I am unworthy of love, or deeply broken…and I would do anything to keep this story hidden, from myself and others that matter to me. That part of me believes that NOT connecting deeply and intimately with loved ones will keep me safe…

Or maybe I carry a story that I am worthless and a complete failure and will never amount to anything in life…this part of me may want to avoid ‘putting myself out there’ at any cost, so I may never have to experience the pain of realizing that even when I give myself to life with everything I’ve got, I still may not find ‘success’…thus I find numerous creative ways to keep procrastinating writing that book, applying for that job…fill in the blank.

Some part of me has to believe I will be better off and safer staying stuck where I am for me to keep choosing any type of self-sabotaging and limiting behavior.

Look for that part of you, for that story.

This mirror invites you to meet your hidden, most treasured love…and to find the courage to yell an uncompromising “YES” - to your Love…to YOURSELF!

5. Mirror of Sacred Relationship

(Divine Father/Mother)

Have you ever truthfully considered your personal relationship with God, with the Divine? Do you even think you have one? Or that you, a mere human, are worthy of contemplating such a sacred thing?

A very common answer to this kind of questioning, quickly delivered with much conviction, or even indignantly, is “Yes, off course I know that God loves me! I absolutely believe in an all-loving, supportive Higher Power, beyond the shadow of a doubt!”

Well said, dear conscious ego-self. That’s a beautiful Knowing to have!

Now, how about the unconscious part of us…you know, the aspect that actually creates our so called ‘reality’ based on the stories and beliefs it holds? What would its answer be??

Well, that’s hard to say, isn’t it, being that it’s called the ‘Unconscious’ for a reason…or is it? Oh wait, that’s right - that’s what those mirrors are for, to make the unconscious conscious…

So then, how does this ‘Mirror of Mother/Father God’ work?

In a nutshell, our parents or primary caregivers represent the Powers that Be; as infants and children, we are quite literally completely at the mercy of the adults in our lives. Not only do they hold the power over our survival and well-being, but they also shape our early experience of life.

Our primary caregivers model what typically become our hardwired beliefs about life and the relationships we form with anything - dynamics in love, suffering, success, work, money…; they exhibit the traits that we then unconsciously project onto our connection with our ‘Heavenly Father & Mother’.

This also explains the curiosity of ‘inherited ancestral wounds/trauma/curses’, energetically passed down from generation to generation - until someone becomes conscious and courageous enough to break the cycle and heal their inner stories.

In other words, our parents and early childhood experiences bequeath us with our ‘Primary Love Templates’ - which form the matrix of our expectations towards life and ‘The Divine’.

Do you think your deep, inner child-self truly believes that ‘God loves me and has my back’ if your early experiences were those of neglect, lack and abandonment?

How do we get to those deeply buried beliefs so we can change them?

Look at the relationship dynamics you had with your mother and father when you were young; what traits did they model to you - both, positive and negative? Did you feel supported, loved, believed in? Where there areas in which you came up with compensatory behaviors/traits in order to be loved, respected etc? Or did you perhaps become a rebel instead, railing against rules and restrictions?

What was your parents’ story about things like money, work, success and failure, love and relationships e.t.c.? Did they struggle in any areas? What kind of relationship did they have with each other?

What is your current relationship with your parents? What attributes would you give them now, from your adult perspective and understanding?

Spend some time in retrospective contemplation; then take a good look at your own relationship with money, career, love etc - what is this showing you about your own beliefs? Are you mirroring your parents’ patters and stories…or are you perhaps overcompensating to prove the opposite?

For example, if you grew up in poverty and lack, you may still find yourself struggling to just get by…or, you may have been striving for financial success your whole life and achieved it, only to still feel empty and lacking at the end of the day.

Look at your current intimate relationships, or your relationship with superiors or authority - they typically mirror our connection with our parents, until we heal our old wounds and beliefs. If you have a dysfunctional, resentful dynamic with your boss, or any authority figure…what do you think this tells you about your connection with ‘God’?

Be honest, be curious, and keep looking…the more aware and conscious we are, the more choice we have to approach life differently!

6. Mirror of the Dark Night of the Soul

(Our deepest Separation; Ego-Death)

Scary as this Mirror of the Dark Night of the Soul sounds, it is truly an invitation into mastery. When you encounter it, it tells you that you are ready and prepared for a major initiation.

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘God never gives us more than we can handle,’ …well, neither does this mirror of the dark night; you will have to meet and face your own demons, sure, and you may have to let go of much that you’d prefer to cling to, in order to fit through the proverbial eye of the needle;

but if you do find yourself in this position (of questionable honor), you can be sure you also possess the necessary skills to pass through and emerge on the other side of it into the light of a brighter day.

Maybe not always wholly unscathed, but always transformed and changed for the better…if you choose to accept the challenge and adopt a large enough perspective to recognize its gifts.

The alchemy of ego-death leads to ultimate transcendence and liberation.

This mirror can show up in many guises, and in varying degrees of intensity.

One of its more commonly known faces has earned itself a fancy name all unto itself - the almost anticipated so called ‘Mid-life Crisis’…

Other common experiences of a Dark Night of the Soul may show up as grief, loss, change, deep depression or even nervous or psychotic breakdowns.

The thing that is actually breaking, though, is our perception of self - our ego-personas, or masks. It may look as though our whole life is crumbling and dropping out beneath our feet - but it’s the loss of our sense of self as we knew it that we are truly grieving and trying to hold on to.

Common external incendiaries for a personal Dark Night of the Soul are the loss of a job, health, home or relationship. Or it could be more of an internal crisis, often leading to those deeply uncomfortable questions like, ‘who am I’, ‘what’s the point of all this?’, ‘am I really happy in this …(job, relationship, situation)?’, ‘what do passion and purpose even feel like…?’ ‘shouldn’t there be more to life than this???’

In other words, something that has previously served to define our sense of self has crumbled and we are stumbling about in a void that leaves us feeling out of control, without a map to steer by.

Where is the gift in this, you ask?

Since we are speaking about mirrors here, the gift lies in identifying where we have given our authenticity and power away to a facade; did I let this job, this salary, this skill, this beautiful face or home and family define who I am? And if so, why?

What must be my underlying wound, or story, for me to have compensated through identifying with these masks, patterns or behaviors?

And, now that the old conditions are gone, or have been identified as undesirable, what is left for me to pick up the pieces with? Who am I really, beneath all my masks and carefully styled personas?

The big lessons offered by the 6th Essene Mirror of the Dark Night of the Soul are nothing less than ultimate Acceptance, Surrender to and Trust in a Higher Power.

The greatest gift returned to us is the release of separation-consciousness, so we may once more embrace union and alignment- with our Authentic Inner Being, with the Divinity of Life…

This Mirror holds a huge potential for healing, transformation and the re-building of our lives on strong and pure foundations; of re-claiming our Authentic Self, our Passion and Purpose in life, our truest happiness and fulfillment.

As Carl Jung said,

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

By willingly and consciously facing and working with this mirror of self-mastery, by recognizing where we have separated ourselves from our deepest Truths, we can liberate ourselves from lifetimes of unconscious patterns, which, naturally, will shift the reflections shown in all the other, more superficial mirrors.

After all,

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” C.G. Jung

7. Mirror of Divine Order

(Self-Judgment & Comparison)

This Mirror invites us to take a closer look at our personal definition of and relationship with ‘failure’ and ‘success’.

Who’s standards are we measuring ourselves and life against? Can we truly say they are our own?

What is a ‘failure’, if not a learning experience and an opportunity for growth and improvement?

If I have truly given my best - could my performance ever be a failure, rather than merely a representation of where I was at in the moment of delivery?

If I have held a lifelong dream of writing a book and I finally finish my last chapter…isn’t this, in and of itself, a major success and accomplishment - even if no agency will ever publish it, no critic ever praise it, no money ever be exchanged for it?

What is our personal yardstick for success…and what is it ever measured against that truly matters?

Comparison is like an evil enchantress, deflecting our sight away from our true inner worth and value and distorting it to accommodate a current fad that was never tailored to allow for our unique and individualized expression and perception…

A fish is not a failure just because it cannot climb a tree…

This last mirror is truly a Teacher of the highest form of Mastery - relinquishing duality. It offers us lessons and perspectives of Non-Judgment, Acceptance, Equanimity and Compassion. It encourages us to drop all labels, especially polarities like ‘good or bad’, ‘right or wrong’, ‘better or worse’.

Through it, we can learn to accept ‘what is’ and give up our struggle against ‘reality’, so we may find peace and equanimity within; we can learn to trust that everything that is happening to us is always, on some level, happening for us, to help us grow and expand and reach our highest potential.

What is just is. What we do with it, how we perceive it, is up to us.

Look for this mirror in everything you find yourself comparing and judging - in your own personal life or out on the big world stage.

You can call on master teachers such as Byron Katie and question your perceptions and judgments - “Is this true? Can I know 100% that this is true? Who would I be without this belief?”.

We may all agree that a war, near or far, always seems like a terrible and undesirable event…but do we truly know that? In the bigger picture scheme of things - zooming out to look at it through the distancing lens of the passing of time - do we know how much humanity may learn and grow and ultimately come together in mutual love and support through this experience?

We don’t have to like what is happening - and I am certainly not advocating war or turning an indifferent eye away from what is happening in the world; but fighting what is and resisting it does not lead to lasting peace.

Acceptance does.

Learning and growing from so called ‘mistakes and failures’ does.

Understanding our deep inner motivations and how they create the world we live in does - if we can take responsibility and accept our own healing before demanding it of the world…our Grand Mirror.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Show Me My Light and Shadow, All…

What is your greatest take-away from this introduction to the 7 Essene Mirrors of Relationship?

My wish is that you found empowerment rather than disillusionment; inspiration rather than frustration; hope rather than defeat.

After all, if we take this metaphor of ‘mirrors’ as literal, their reflections as accurate - and I promise you, they are - then ‘all’ we have to ‘do’ to effect a pleasing likeness is to start sincerely smiling at our mirrors…surely we can do this, can’t we?

I’d like to think we can. We humans have a curious tendency to make everything far more complicated than it needs to be…

Maybe we could all just come back to the simplicity of loving ourselves more fully and watch what happens - inside and out.

That’s all I have to say for now.

"The 7 Mysteries of Relationship", Part II