“Unmasking the Authentic Self” Part II
…how to discern the difference between our masks & our authentic selves…
Welcome to Part II. In Part I, we looked at what masks are, what they can look like, the reasons we wear them, as well as the Gifts they may hold…
Today, we are going to take it even deeper and trace down the subtle ways in which our old personas can sneak in the back door without us even noticing a thing; how to become more conscious of when this is happening, and how to learn to hear our Authentic Voice over the din of the familiar, inner chatter…
Let's jump right in!
HOW CAN WE TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MASK AND OUR AUTHENTIC SELF?
First of all, it might help to realize that we all wear certain masks from time to time. We all have different roles to play in different sections of our lives.
Which of those “roles” or “faces” are truly authentic, wholly false or (most often) a combination thereof is what we’d like to find out.
Some of the more obvious signs to watch out for are
Anxiety - are you feeling anxious in certain situations, or perhaps in general?
Fatigue - do certain situations/encounters or possibly your whole life drain your energy?
Depression - do you feel a lack of vitality and joy in life or certain circumstances?
Irritability or Anger - general or specific to situations/people
Boredom - life feeling lack-luster… - the Authentic Self is never bored!
Disconnect - feeling disconnected, unseen, not understood…
Dissatisfaction - a quiet sense of lack of fulfillment, purpose, depth…like “something’s missing…
“Frozen Smile Syndrome”, wandering mind, difficulty staying present, energy drain, clenched teeth…
Tension & all its potential side-effects….
Patterns of Avoidance - anything that numbs & distracts us from feeling any of the above… [read “Somatization & BodyTalk” for more about how this might show up physically & how to work with it…]
Any and all of these could be strong indications that we are out of synch with our Inner Being - our Authentic Self.
Think of a job that you really hated but felt obliged to stay in, or all those times you can feel your energy draining away by the second, and yet you still keep that smile plastered on your face while forcing yourself to keep on talking to this person you don’t care for, who just keeps on pulling on your energy and getting on your nerves…
…I am sure you do know that kind of feeling, when you are not being true to yourself, when you resist that impulse to just quit that job and do something fun for a living; to turn your back on that draining person and get some space, some peace - and your energy back.
But life doesn’t always comply to our wishes, so we just put on our masks and deal with it. Often, we don’t even believe we have a choice in the matter, so we do our best to drown out our Inner Voice and numb out enough to be able to keep on keeping on.
Not a good idea, but we’ve all been there. Most of us, at least.
Those are the obvious signs and cases; but what about the more tricky ones?
The ones that have lost all semblance of black or white and are merrily dancing somewhere in the grey-
zone in-between?
The ones that tend to sneak by us, even when we thought we had our radar tuned pretty darn well?
Let’s look at what that might look like.
Here’s a sly one I’ve recently tripped over in my own life:
After my long rendezvous with my
“Independent Rebel” identity, followed by
“The Struggling, Hard Worker”, I am now becoming acquainted with my inner
“Over-Achiever”. This is a new one. I love it. What a contrast to my inner
“Hippie”!
For the most part, we get along pretty well. It took us a while to navigate all our differences, but we are now on the same page, working together towards the same, Authentic, Soul-Inspired Vision. The Achiever helps me get in touch with an authentic part of me that can be quite driven, fully motivated by my higher aspirations.
It’s lending me perseverance and level-headedness when faced with all the various, behind the scenes, oh-so-important, granular and time-consuming tasks that are part of running your own business, and which nobody really likes - especially not when you also identify as part rebellious, creative, free-flowing hippie…
So far so lovely.
But just the other day, I caught it, red handed, getting lost in its old ways and coping mechanisms…
Do you use Social Media much? If you’re a small business owner/entrepreneur, then you have probably heard that it behooves you to lean on it heavily, liberally and extensively to reach your audience and grow your business.
I don’t like Social Media much. But my Achiever says we gotta do it, so I am finding my way around in this strange new realm…and that’s just fine.
Until I find myself seduced by the glamor of it all, checking up on likes, shares, views…obsessing over designing (what I hope to be) alluring pictures and captions…comparing myself to others…
My inner Achiever says we’ve got to do this, to use analytics and track what’s happening so we can learn from it & get better…sounds good, though I don’t even know how analytics work, or what I’m even staring at…
But I do know that little hit of high I get when someone actually sees and likes what I shared. And it’s addictive, at least to that part of me that’s still hanging on to the belief of being a failure, being invisible & insignificant, that it will never amount to anything…that part of me LOVES getting validation, LOVES feeling like the big Achiever (“look at me & how hard I am working, how much I get done!!!”).
But it’s not authentic; it’s still trying to cover up a wound. And it doesn’t help me towards my Vision, it only trips me up in meaningless & unproductive traps…
How did I become aware of this?
I noticed my enthusiastic drive and joy turn into something that more resembled a wild-eyed goose-chase, obsessively flipping and flapping through ideas, thoughts, inspirations, to-do-lists, without the grounded approach that would make it flow more efficiently in real life.
I noticed an increased tension, elevated heart-rate, and a narrowed, scattered “focus” that lost sight of the Bigger Picture.
I became aware of a need for compulsive, nervous snacking, always wanting something to reach for & stuff into my mouth while trying to work on projects…
While most of these signs and symptoms were/are relatively mild (I do tend to exaggerate in writing), and while they are utterly human and understandable, and while this is just part of this whole, earth-bound growing experience…this is what we are here to look at today, isn’t it?
The subtleties of wearing masks, of getting lost in remnants of our false personas…
In which ways can you find this playing out in your own life?
Is something already knocking quite persistently at the door of your awareness as you are reading this, or do you need to take it deeper in for further exploration?
I encourage you to do so…growing and stretching beyond our comfort zones, getting to know all of our inner aspects and holding space for loving acceptance and healing - becoming our most authentic self - this is what life is all about, and it is so much more fun and comfortable when we face it voluntarily, rather than being dragged around by it until we can’t take it no more…
HOW CAN WE FIND AND FULLY IDENTIFY WITH OUR AUTHENTIC SELF?
Well - we’ve actually already somewhat covered this part earlier on, in Part I, when we looked at the Gifts behind the Masks.
Our Authentic Self is typically hiding out somewhere in the mix of Cover-Up and Wounded Self.
Let’s explore this in more depth.
For example, my young, Independent Rebel self eschewed any hint of stereotype, any flavor of living according to boxed-in expectations, conforming to social norms, following a path without emotional depth or spiritual value…
…and so I ran off to Ireland, without a plan or contact. My mother insisted I book my first three nights at a youth-hostel so she’d know I had a place to sleep (how conventionally practical and boring, mom!!); but past that, I had no clue what was waiting for me. The thrilling folly of youth…
One aspect of this was certainly coming from a traumatized sense of denial, of not feeling equipped to cope in this world, of wanting to avoid responsibility and its bonded sisters, entrapment and boredom and futility…and most definitely, running far away from my dear family’s, heck, my culture’s! judgmental attitudes and boxed in narratives!
When I was still operating from that paradigm, my life was certainly free-flowing…but also not very happy, nor deeply fulfilling, or “successful” in any way other than allowing me to turn a blind eye on my deeper discomfort and insecurities.
On the other hand, I have come to realize that I was also already quite strongly (and rather head-strongly!) tapped in to my Inner Truth, my Authentic Journey in this life - I am simply not meant to live a conventional life; I am here to learn to integrate my free-flowing, creative nature, my intuitive gifts, my adventurous side, to live from this place of Inner Guidance, rather than the often mis-aligned norms set out as societal guide-lines and directions. This would simply not be my authentic way of living…I’ve tried it for a bit (for a bit too long, actually…in my 20+ year long “Struggling, Hard Worker” phase), and it was miserable! Talk about boredom, fatigue, lack of passion or inspiration, depression…not fun.
How did I come to recognize this part of me as Authentic vs just a Cover-Up?
When we are younger, before our minds are too confused and convoluted by others’ opinions and standards, or by the many disappointments and disillusionments and “stories” collected along the way, we typically already know who we are and what we want in life. We may not have the clearest and most accurate idea of how this might show up or play out, but we generally have a fairly good sense of it.
I see this showing up over and over again when working with clients searching for their higher purpose, for a more connected sense of self. When we look back to childhood, even young adulthood in some cases, they already “knew”…and they let their dreams slip through their fingers for all the many reasons that most of us do.
This “knowing” could present as fairly vague - like the little boy who always wanted to be a fire-man, or a police-man; in looking back, they may realize that what they had really always wanted was to be in a position to help people.
I had this show up in a recent session with a lovely young man, fresh out of prison & desperately searching for a deeper meaning and sense of identity.
He quite literally lit up and started weeping once we went deep enough below the surface to tap in to his true desire - and his hidden gifts - of wanting to help men, like himself, get in touch with their more feminine, sensitive, intuitive side; to help them dismantle all the tough walls and unhealthy coping mechanisms so they could start feeling and expressing their emotions in healthy, constructive ways…
It was a deeply touching, beautiful experience to witness the shift, the turn-around in him - the power of tuning in to our Authentic Self, after so many years of living in a fog of confusion and distortion…
For some, especially for women, this inner knowing may be a lot more formed early on; in my case, I had always wanted to be a writer. Well. I repressed that one for a long, long time, but - here I am…finally…writing! Not exactly in the way I had thought when I was maybe 10 years old and still dreaming up adventure stories, but I am finally letting the more creative side of me have a go at life. And it lights me up and makes me weep with gratitude, too!!
As a teen, I already knew that I wanted to follow the path of Alternative Health. I also knew for a fact that I did NOT want to live a life of Nine-to-Five, stuck in a cubicle, living life on someone else’s terms and schedule! No two ways about it - that was NOT for me!!!
And while I was dead certain about all of this - the problem was…I was living my whole life from a vehement stance of HELL NO!
NO, I won’t live like this, NO, you do not get to tell me what to do, NO, this is not who I am… Meet my “Inner Rebel” - shy and introverted and repressed…and yet incredibly stubborn and head-strong! And opinionated. Runs in the family…
The true magic happens when we get to identify and heal our inner stories, when we get to clean up the distorted perspectives and paradigms we’ve been living by.
When we are no longer re-acting from defensive impulses to protect our tender wounds, the dusty filters coloring our perception of reality can clear, we get to breathe deeply again, widen our horizons and take a more neutral, expanded viewpoint.
WE GET A CHANCE TO FIND OUR TRUE YES BEHIND THE NO, AND LIVE FROM THAT PLACE OF POSITIVE EMBRACE, RATHER THAN FROM WITHIN THE CONFINES OF A PROTECTIVE BARRIER AGAINS THE WORLD.
And maybe, possibly, it doesn’t look that different from the outside. For some it will, for others, it’s more about the inner adjustments than the outer.
I am still leaning towards the unconventional. But I am now living from a full-hearted YES, embracing my higher Vision and all the different aspects of me to the best of my ability, wobbling and teetering here and there, but always learning from it as I find my way back to center, stronger and more aligned than before…and more aware of what still needs clearing.
I’m certainly not perfect (that’s not even part of my aspirations!), but I am so much happier, more grounded and focused than ever before in my life…and somehow I know - this is only just the beginning!
How do I know this is my true, Authentic Version of Self? Because it makes me pretty darn blissful! It gets me out of bed in the mornings, ready to dive back in to “work”. Because my chosen “work” lights me up and fuels my passion and a deep contentment inside.
And the only point of me sharing all of my gritty, personal story with you is to make all these concepts tangible & real, and to illustrate and show you that - if I can do it, so can you!
HAPPINESS AND AUTHENTICITY ARE A CHOICE, ALWAYS!
HOW DO WE GENTLY HEAL AND DISMANTLE OUR MASKS, SO WE MAY LIVE AS OUR AUTHENTIC SELF?
If we never bring all of our different, fragmented and often dissociated aspects back “on-line” and “on-board” with our deeper Soul-Purpose, we will continue to feel pulled in many different directions, prone to various versions and degrees of self-sabotage, as every single part of us is fighting its own battle for survival, according to its own inner (misdirected) narrative, more often than not opposing and getting in the way of other aspects and getting all tangled up in confusion…
In order to really find my foundations in embodying my fully Authentic, Creative Rebel -
“She Who Dares to go against the Grain to stay True to her own Vision” - I need to first face and work with all of my inner stories, my woundings, my denials…there is no way around this. All parts of me must come together to work in harmony towards our one, united goal.
The more you can identify the different parts of you that are still feeling left out in the cold, the more conscious you become of where old patterns are still tripping you up, the more of a chance you have to re-unite your inner family.
The more quiet and mollified the inner clamor of differing voices becomes, the easier it gets to hear your True Voice speaking to you. That Voice is peaceful, joyful, centered. It feels clear and just perfectly right, somehow, even if your mind cannot quite make sense of it.
It just. Feels. Right.
I have mentioned aspects of this kind of inner work in previous articles, and I will most likely go into more depth in future blog posts.
For now, I will round this up into one, brief outline to take home and to sit with:
Find a quiet place to sit with a journal.
Breathe into your heart to calm your mind…
Then cast your mind back into childhood.
What were you like, as a young child?
What did you love to do, what inspired you?
Did you have any dreams of who you wanted to be when you grew up?
Let the memories rise up and find you.
What happened to that younger version of you?
Can you still feel it, or has it gone into hiding?
Perhaps “younger you” was always so boisterous & full of spirited mischief and spunky ideas…is that still a part of you, or can you identify a time when you started becoming more subdued, quiet and “proper”? How did/does that feel?
Or maybe you always used to get into trouble for painting on your bedroom walls… and now, perhaps 30 years after you last put down your paints and crayons, you realize you would love nothing more than make a living as a famous mural artist…
Let your inner world of feelings, daydreams, random thoughts and visions tell you all about the deeper layers of your self…and just listen. Journal freely, have a dialogue with your inner being on paper if that works for you.
This is the first and most important step in getting to know yourself in perhaps a whole new light. After that, it gets easier to distinguish your free, true self from an adapted and adopted version.
Now you can start listening more and more to your Authentic Inner Direction, find ways of following it, of leaning in to it, of going past your previous comfort zones.
And pay attention to when an inner aspect starts kicking up a storm of resistance, or tries to subtly manipulate or sabotage your life in any way.
The key is in listening to how you feel in any given moment. Don’t judge it, don’t even try to make it mean anything, just listen and pay attention to any messages rising within you. Physical, emotional, mental.
That is all, for a start.
You can always take it deeper, if you feel the need to, and if you have the tools.
And as usual, I am here to assist you on your journey if you’d like more assistance in discovering and healing disjointed pieces of you back into alignment.
I personally, and in working with clients, have found the Soul Purpose System to be a highly accurate and valuable tool for insight and validation on this very Journey of recognizing and becoming our most Authentic Self.
And there are many such tools and methods out there - just have a look around and see what resonates with you and pulls you in. We don’t have to do this alone! It helps tremendously to have a different pair of intuitive eyes, an alternative perspective to see yourself in a whole new light.
AS LONG AS YOU JUST GO AND LOOK FOR YOUR BIG YES IN LIFE, YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK…(READ PART I HERE)
And of course,
if you feel you’d like some help & assistance with getting in touch with your stories & emotions, ready for a deeper exploration, transformation & healing, I am here for exactly that - check out my Spiritual Guidance & Transformational Coaching Sessions & Courses, my in-depth Soul Purpose Blueprint Readings,
or get in touch with me at brighde@awakenedhearth.com if you have any questions...I am looking forward to connecting with you!
Brighde is a Writer with a love for dark chocolate and the mystical side of life. She firmly believes every aspect of this curious Journey on Earth can be improved with a steaming mug of good tea, an open heart and mind and a grounded connection to the higher vibrational realms of Spirit inherent in everything. With a background of almost 30 years of working in the Healing Arts and Bodywork, her current focus is on facilitating deep inner transformation, growth and healing through one-on-one Intuitive Guidance and Coaching Sessions as well as on-line & in-person Courses and Workshops. Your can find out more about her work at www.AwakenedHearth.com.
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